“Return of the Living Dead” is one of my all time favorite zombie movies. I never get tired of it and I’ve seen it at least once a year for about twenty years now. Holy crap I’m old. I’m excited to see this documentary on the film though. This looks really cool.

Now this is where I go off on a tangent.

Do you ever get tired of people asking you why do zombies eat brains? It’s because of “Return of the Living Dead” dang it!!! And it’s just worked it’s way into Pop Culture ideas of zombies ever since.

I can’t take it anymore so let’s answer some questions about “Return of the Living Dead” zombies, soon you’ll see they are nothing like the zombies from “Night of the Living Dead.”  I pray this ends the debate. Right now I am currently debating this with three different people. I know I have no life.

These questions apply only to “ROTLD” zombies btw.

Q: Why do zombies eat brains?
A: To stop the pain of being dead… It hurts to be dead. Apparently brains are the ultimate pain killer. This is straight from the zombie’s mouth (Literally)

Q: But if they eat brains, won’t that keep more zombies from being created.
A: In “ROTLD” zombies are created by exposure to Trioxin 245 gas, not by being bitten by a zombie. Don’t worry it’s just Trioxin gas you have to worry about being exposed too… You can still eat that tasty bean burrito I know your craving right now…. mmmm burritos.

Q: Doesn’t a headshot kill a zombie?
A: Not a “ROTLD” zombie. It doesn’t do jack. Nothing less than complete destruction of the body will stop the zombie, however, this has the tragic side effect of releasing more Trioxin in the air and causing more zombies. Your pretty much screwed.

Q: But aren’t zombies slow and stupid?
A: Nope they’re pretty spry little buggers, they run, scream, have coherent conversations, and are capable of reasoning out how to kill you no matter where your hiding… And they are impossible to kill. Yeah! We’re still screwed.

Q: Zombiecarter, is it true that you are incredibly sexy and simply the manliest of all manly men?
A: Yes

Q: Can I please have your love child?
A: Hey! Look here, Pal. I’m the one doing the stalking in this relationship. Now If you’ll excuse me I’ll be in your bushes with my high powered binoculars… naked…again.