You know what?, I don’t like vampires, more to the point I don’t like pretty vampires. They are supposed to be monsters not horny sex objects ready to have their sweaty way with you. I’ve always hated that.
So when everyone around me gets obsessed with those twilight books, something in me gets super angsty about it and draws this. This is how the vampires should have looked…. Ugly.
Now before all you overly emotional women (and effeminate men) who have decided that Edward is you one true love come to lynch me be aware…. I read the books, they were not bad… not super awesome either, but not bad.
That movie Twilight, however, sucked donkeys in no uncertain terms. I’ve seen thousands of movies and this one sucked. Bad acting, lame directing, and the most boring vampires I have ever seen. In the book Stephanie Myers constantly goes on about how fast and strong the vampires are. Do you see that in the movie? Barely. Is there any tension or drama… No. Good hell the bad vampire were so unintimidating I’m pretty sure even my little daughter could have kicked his @$$.
Sorry fangirls, and effeminate fanmen, face it. That movie sucked.
Vampires from the Dresden Files. Those are what vampires should be. Except the White Court. Sissy bastards.
I missed the Dresden files when they were on the air. I think they have those on Hulu. I’ll have to check them out.
well that’s not COMPLETELY true about the vampires not being horny creatures. They’re definitely sexual metaphors, although still monsters. Consider: A man charming a woman, going to her bed, and taking what he wants. Real vampires often had the power to put young girls in trances. Not to say that they were hunksicles, rather that they had taken over her mind to keep the girl from knowing what was really happening. Then of course there is the fact that it’s in bed at night. The biting of the neck was all about this large, powerful male figure taking advantage of this pure, helpless maiden.
A vampire fantasy is a kinky one, not a “perfect slice of man” one.
Soooooo your saying vampires are kinky sex freaks? That explains that deleted scene in twilight where Edward was dressed head to toe in leather…. Don’t even get me started on his closet filled with ball gags.
I now find the Twilight vampires even more horrifying than before…. Except for Alice… still pretty good looking. (I feel shame that I just admitted that.)
Bella would hit that …. because either way the closest she’ll ever come to happiness with a male figure is the stalker known as Edward Cullen. That watching her sleep thing … that was foreplay, baby. Sexay!!
Yeah I don’t get that. So he watches her while she sleeps and instead of finding that unbearably creepy she all excited because he loves her… super.
Look, I love my kids, but when I woke up the other day and my daughters face was three inches from mine watching “Daddy Wakeup” I’m not ashamed to admit I shrieked like a little girl.
To be fair, I shrieked like a very manly little girl, but still.
First clowns are allowed to wear make up ….to scary for little kiddies.
Now its nice vampires/ pretty vampires.
Hollywood at its finest….
They go where the money is…. Personally I’m developing a deep and abiding fear of anything that sparkles.
I saw a bottle of glitter the other day and almost lost it.
This is how a vampire that plays violin looks.
“I missed the Dresden files when they were on the air. I think they have those on Hulu. I’ll have to check them out.”
I think CapainZM was referring to the books. I recommend you read them. They’re a very good series.
Don, that was one wicked violin. Sadly I can’t even play that good.
Dickard, I’ve seen the books in Barnes and Nobles but haven’t picked it up yet. I should for the covers alone. Whoever paints those is awesome.
I kinda like the Vampires in the 2011 flick “Priest”. These are the kind of vampires that make you sh*t your pants. 😀
Now I’m not gonna say that pissed me off about the vampire shtick. What pissed me off was you lumping all girls into the category. Seriously the only people who seriously love twilight are the crazy teenaged girls and for some reason their mothers. I kinda really hate he fans and feel hat the books were misogynistic and Edward was a crazy psychopathic abusive boyfriends. Seriously. There is nothing healthy about that relationship.
Also you’re so right. Vampires were monsters and in several cultures believed to be more like zombies in that they would eat you alive especially your intestines. Seemed to really love those things.
But hey they could be sexy too! And by sexy I mean their legends said they would come back to life and rape their old loved ones to death.
I love the passion people have for Twilight, both for and against it. I haven’t read or seen any other book that inspired such strong feelings in people.
Kind of a fascinating subject for me. Thanks for reading the comic. 🙂
Remember Dracula? Sparkly vamps suck.