If you think about it marrying a Shoggoth has to be either the dumbest… Or the smartest thing anyone could ever do. I mean it helps if you are kind of a pervert to see it as a good thing.

Luckily I totally am so I’m looking forward to my next marriage with a super smok’n hot Shoggoth. We’re going to live in the Antarctic and make fun of penguins all day. And at night I will sleep on top of my shoggoth bride who will form a vast field from her protoplasm of nothing but boobs so I can rest.

It’ll be totally hot and you will all be jealous of our love.  Only the Japanese will understand our bond.

Also if my wife is reading this…. I promise it’s just a joke. I in no way, shape, or form am planning to leave you for a massive Lovecraftian monstrosity of maddening proportions merely so I can sleep every night on a field of boobies.

That would be… crazy. And frankly I resent the implication that this has been a fantasy of mine since I was twelve. I am hurt, HURT I SAY! That you would even suggest that.