This…… This situation happens in my home more times than I can tell you. And despite my special brand of parenting my children insist on my comforting words to help them get to sleep.

Some might argue that this borders on abuse, or at the very least misuse of my parental responsibilities. To which I say Neigh!

It is my job to teach these young human larva the cold cruel facts of life and instill in them the fear and mistrust of their fellow man they will need to survive. You see fear is a necessary emotion. The most important emotion in my opinion. It keeps us from doing dumb things. Things that will get us killed.

I have seen enough horror movies to know this is true.

Don’t believe me? How many horror movies have you seen where someone dies horribly in a movie and instead of immediately leaving and calling the cops the people stay. Only to be killed one by one by some huge hillbilly with a hockey mask fetish and an unwholesome love of machetes.

Well not my children. I’m teaching them the appropriate amount of fear so they will survive. If you think about it, I’m a hero.