Survival of the Dead (2009) Movie Review
Survival of the Dead
Director: George A. Romero
Writer: George A. Romero
Staring: Alan Van Sprang, Kenneth Welsh, Kathleen Munroe, Richard Fitzpatrick, and a bunch of other people
On an island off the coast of North America, two Irish clans fight over how to react to the emerging zombie apocalypse.
The O’Flynn’s lead by the clan’s patriarch Patrick O’Flynn seek to keep their island safe by exterminating the zombie threat one zombie at a time. The other clan, the Muldoons, lead by clan patriarch Seamus Muldoon (Stupidly) try to keep their zombified loved one’s near them in the desperate hope that a cure can be found and they can be returned to normal.
Things come to a head when Patrick O’Flynn brings a group of military refugees to the island as they flee the growing zombie threat on the Mainland.
I’m not trying to be a jerk with this review, really I’m not, just honest. But this is a train wreck of a movie. (Though for the record I am pretty good at being a jerk)
I grew up watching and rewatching George Romero’s movies. To say that “Night of the Living Dead” left an impression on me is something of an understatement. So it’s kind of tragic for me that I view each of “Uncle George’s” newer movies with a growing sense of skepticism and dread.
Romero took a lot of heat in his other movies “Diary of the Dead” and “Land of the Dead” for them being too heavy handed with the political and social commentary. And rightly so, I felt like he was slapping me in the face with it. In survival of the dead the social commentary has largely been stripped out in favor of half ass’d comedy. But the comedy isn’t funny, it’s just stupid. There is nothing even mildly amusing about “Survival of the Dead.”
You may laugh at this movie, but you won’t be laughing with this movie.
The characters and acting in “Survival of the Dead” are terrible. There is not a single likable character in the whole movie, nobody to sympathize with. Every character in this movie is something of an an asshole with a chip on their shoulder. Again that’s not me trying to be a jerk about this, I think that’s how they were written. By the end of the movie I was praying that they would all either get shot or get eaten. Oh man, if they could have been shot while being eaten, I would have cheered. They were written poorly and with little to no depth.
I only remembered the characters as Angry guy, Angry kid, Angry Irish guy, Angry Irish guy #2, etc… One character is introduced to us while she’s masterbating (Classy I know) she’s the angry Lesbian, presumably because without this she would have had no character at all.
I really didn’t like this movie. I wanted to, I just couldn’t.
“But, Carter, you’re being too harsh. This is a zombie movie. What about the zombies?”
Sure, let’s talk about the zombies… They suck. There is no sense of dread, fear, or urgency about them whatsoever. Zombies are inconsequential to this zombie movie and that’s just sad. The special effect and makeup were mainly bad CG and were forgettable when they weren’t out and out painfully bad. The zombie heads on sticks were the worst.
A teenager with a six pack of Redbull and a hammer could have stopped this zombie apocalypse in the bud, no problem.
Notable Moments in the film.
1. Zombie chick riding a horse. (The horse didn’t seem to mind)
2. Zombies using guns. (They couldn’t manage to reload though)
3. Zombies with badass ninja skills (Seriously, either they were zombie ninjas or the characters don’t have peripheral vision, because “poof” zombie standing next to you… every five damned minutes this seemed to happen)
4. Bad Computer Generated zombie killing. (The fire extinguisher kill was completely retarded)
5. Zombies that are smart enough to start a car and shift back and forth.
6. An interview with George Romero that was less than awesome. (He seemed very tired)
I wanted to like this movie, I really did, but there is not much to like. A lot of what’s in this movie is fairly forgivable and pretty standard for today’s average independent zombie movies, but not from George Romero. Not from the man who gave us “Night of the Living Dead.” I recommend passing on this movie. Watch this only if you can get it free and you’re feeling particularly masochistic. You’re not going to ever watch it twice so don’t buy it.
“Survival of the Dead” gave me the same sad feeling I had on the day we finally had to take Grandpa’s keys away from him. He didn’t want to stop driving, we didn’t want him to stop driving, but it was time. Before someone got hurt.
George. Give me the keys, George. Give me the keys. I’m sorry it’s time.