Posts Tagged ‘zombie relationships’

17 results.
vomit

The Walls Have Eyes

by Zombie Carter on May 10, 2013 at 3:00 am
Posted In: comics, Main Story
I'm always watching you.... In the dark. Watching.

Can I share something with you?  We’re friends right?  I have a slightly irrational fear that the previous owners of any place I have lived have put up cameras in my house just to watch me…….. Watch me do stuff.

The rational part of my brain, while admittedly very small compared to the irrational part, knows full well that no one would ever do this.  But every time I move I have to check for hidden cameras anyway.  It’s just part of my neurosis leaking out of me I suspect.

Hollywood doesn’t help me get over this irrational fear as every time I think I’ve got it beat I watch a movie where some psycho is watching people through a hidden camera in order to satisfy his depraved cravings.  Or possibly it’s the government…. Or aliens!!!

Honestly I’m giving myself an ulcer just thinking about it.

I’m also afraid of ghosts watching me while I pee, but that’s another story for another day.

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thirst

Zombie Bites Spell Inevitable Doom

by Zombie Carter on April 10, 2013 at 3:00 am
Posted In: comics, Main Story
A Zombie Bite Means Death and Possibly Racism.

Zombie Bites almost always spell horrific doom unless the offending limb is amputated.  If you get bit by a zombie anywhere else though just…. just… jump off a bridge or something.  Because you are screwed.

Why are zombies bites so lethal?  You get bit by a zombie you become one same as a vampire or a werewolf.  You know what don’t get bit by monsters.  It’s a really really bad idea.  Okay maybe you can get bitten by the Creature from the Black Lagoon.  I’m pretty sure it’ll hurt, but you won’t become one.  That’s a shame though as there are too few of those.  I like that movie.

Anyway, the idea of zombie bites being so lethal comes from Night of the Living Dead of course.  George Romero’s rules of zombiism are if you die for any reason, you become a zombie.  Or if a zombie bites you, you turn and become a zombie right away.  Why this is, is never explained.  Night of the living dead makes a reference to radiation from a space probe as a likely cause of the dead coming back to life.  Maybe just maybe  when you get bit by a zombie you get a concentrated dose of said radiation.  Sound plausible? Not really?

Okay how about this.  When a zombie bites you, you become a zombie for one very important reason.  It makes zombies scarier.  Take that ability away from zombies and you have a bunch of awkward smelly weak monsters that are easily gunned down.  Not very scary.  Make them highly infectious though and you’ll wet yourself when you see them coming.

A monster that infects it’s prey to create more monsters taps into all our fears of paranoia, disease, and our own inevitable demise.  That and it’s just plain cool.

I for one look forward to administering zombie bites to all those around me when I “turn.”

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12 Comments
normal

Speaking Of Blood And Fire

by Zombie Carter on February 11, 2013 at 3:00 am
Posted In: comics, Main Story
Blood And Fire

I still remember when my dad attempted to have “The Talk” with me. It was on a bleak lonely dirt road when I was twelve when my dad started awkwardly mentioning something about birds and bees and the unclean acts that these horrific creatures got up to.

So long story short, I found myself leaping desperately from the passenger side of a beat up pickup determined to save my fragile psyche from a well meaning conversation I didn’t need and greatly feared.

I won’t bore you with the details of my flight to freedom, nor the dark pacts I was forced to make to stay alive. Blood was spilled, souls were bartered. You know, the usual stuff.

Suffice it to say it was a dark night that scars me to this day.

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lust

Lady And The Tramp

by Zombie Carter on February 8, 2013 at 3:00 am
Posted In: comics, Main Story
Zombie Romance

My daughter was watching “Lady and the Tramp” and my broken brain immediately turned that lovely heart touching scene of burgeoning love and turned it into something dark. Dark and wrong.

It’s what I do.

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9 Comments
morequestions

By Now He Must Be Exhausted

by Zombie Carter on November 28, 2012 at 3:00 am
Posted In: comics, Main Story
By Now He Must Be Exhausted

By Now He Must Be Exhausted… But he/she/it just will not stop.  You have to admire the Shoggoth’s determination.  He/She/It’s stamina is very zombie like.

For the record and for my own amusement that little shoggoth has been perched on the back of Moon’s head for quite a while now and has not taken a single break.   Not even once.  I submit to you that the back of Moon’s head is probably very raw and painful about now.

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15 Comments
music

The Zombie Song — Stephanie Mabey

by Zombie Carter on November 6, 2012 at 9:14 am
Posted In: Blog

The Zombie Song by Stephanie Mabey. This is a cute zombie song sent to me by citizen #1 Ladybell. I loved this song…. However, now it’s stuck in my brain and I can’t stop singing it.

This happens to me all the time. I could be worse, at least this is a nice zombie love song, once I couldn’t stop singing “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred and I prayed for death. My prayers were sadly unanswered.

Check out this zombie song and be happy knowing that even in undeath there is probably someone out there for you.

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awe

A Man OF Wealth And Taste

by Zombie Carter on October 17, 2012 at 3:00 am
Posted In: comics, Main Story
Zombies are never gentlmen

Who am I kidding none of my characters have actual class, that’s crazy talk. You shouldn’t be surprised by that either as I’m writing them and I assure you I have none of my own.

It’s overrated anyway.

It’s 1:30 people, this is when I start rambling and refuse to hit delete.

I originally wasn’t going to have Mad Molly “Dabble in the love that dare not speak it’s name” but I wanted to throw another wrinkle in the relationships between the zombies and the humans. Especially Romey who always gets the girl.

I used to hate the guys who would always get the girl in highschool. Hate him with a fiery hate. But then I also hated highschool with a fiery hate that eclipsed the very sun. Worst three years of my life.

I thought about going to my highschool reunion recently, but I think my wife and kids would appreciate me staying out of jail and not having murdering my entire graduating class.

Go Davis Darts…… preferably right off a cliff… and into a lake of boiling acid filled with acid proof piranhas.

Again, worst three years of my life.  How does that phrase go “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”?  I always thought it was more accurately stated “What doesn’t kill us wears us down till we eventually succumb”

Anyway.  If you are currently in highschool you have my sincere pity.  If it makes you feel better it gets way better when you leave that den of snakes for the adult world.

….Why can’t I stop thinking of Highschool today? … Scars man, they run deep.

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