This trailer almost made me super excited then I realized it’s just radiation turning people into zombies. Awwww man! I’ve seen that done before. They should have just said, “We found the God particle! And it raises the dead!”
That’s an idea I can throw money at.
Zombie Cliches #2 Deny the zombie. Yeah, you deny that zombies are real, that’ll save you. I recently watched “The Walking Dead” season 2 so prepare yourselves for some minor spoilers.
Are you ready? It’s not that big of a spoiler, but Herschal keeps walkers in the barn in a misguided belief that they aren’t zombies they are just sick people. Despite him seeing all sorts of crazy crap and having medical knowledge himself, Herschal manages to convince himself that they are still alive, just dangerous. Evedence suggests that Herschel is either insane or dumb. What the crap? I will give “The Walking Dead” credit for writing Herschel’s comeuppance really well though. Kirkman does handle the zombie cliches well.
But you see these zombie cliches a lot in zombie movies. Oh you see it in other monster movies as well, but it’s only in zombie movies that the characters denying that zombies exist gets stretched well past the reasonable point. That is totally ridiculous.
I saw some terrible vampire movie recently. All it took was the main character noticing bite marks on a victim and he jumps to the conclusion, vampires are real. Now contrast that with a zombie movie and they will spend half the movie getting picked off one by one and someone still won’t believe in zombies.
Why is that I ask you? Are people really that dumb? No, no they aren’t, but the people who write zombie movies think that you are. That is really annoying.
My long winded rambling point is that lets assume people are smarter than that in movies. Then we can have less time focused on unrealistic zombie cliches of silly character reactions and we can skip to the part where they make poor life choices and everyone gets killed.
That reminds me next time I’ll write about how characters should stop making so many stupid choices.
Milla Jovovich Would Make A Hot Zombie and I would still love her. With Resident Evil: Retribution coming out in September it seamed the perfect time to draw the lovely lovely Milla Jovovich as a zombie. Turns out she’s still good looking. I mean really good looking. And it doesn’t really take much of an excuse for me to draw a hot zombie.
I sense another restraining order coming on.
The Resident Evil Retribution Trailer #2 will leave you scratching your head and asking yourself WTF. There is no doubt about that. This could be a reboot, a sequel, who knows. Doesn’t make a lick of sense.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care how weird this movie gets, they’ve already got my money. They’ve got Milla Jovovich in borderline fetish gear whipping a chain around. I’m watching this movie just for that.
I am less excited about the 3D aspect though. I don’t like 3d movies. They seem like a gimmick to me and give me migraines. Since World War Z seams to be having problems, this may be the only big zombie movie coming out for a while so buckle in and enjoy the ride.
If you’ve read any of my comics you’ll quickly realize why I love the casual way this film shows people handling the zombie apocalypse. This cracks me up immensely so I had to share it of course.
The reference to zombies committing suicide has me thinking of some comics to write. Disturbing humor is kinda what I like.
“A Dead Issue” is very similar in tone to “Fido” which is another zombie film I’d highly recommend.
From the mind of Uwe Boll and the wallet of a bunch of suckers comes Zombie Massacre! Oh Lordy, I cants waits fer this.
A nuclear blast from Uwe Boll and the Italian horror mafia! “Zombie Massacre” teaser is waking our desires – dark, futuristic and exploding of uber-cool FX! Orgh vargas!
Did you just read that friggin paragraph?!!! “Uber-cool FX!!!!” I mean that lady went from the picture of health to “HOLY CRAP GET ME AN ORTHODONTIST” in about ten seconds…
I had no idea that painfully obvious CG explosions caused such outrageously poor oral hygiene. I will from this moment on try to avoid radiation and/or microwaves from this day forward as I deeply fear spontaneous tooth growth and insta-rot.
I don’t want to make a blanket judgment on Uwe Boll’s movies (Mainly because he’s a boxer and could probably beat me up), but have you seen the turds this guy makes. The last zombie movie he made that I saw was “House of the Dead” after which I jammed a pencil into my ear in a vain hope that it would kill all the brain cells held the memories of that epic piece of cinematic offal. I should do a review of it to warn people from it, except I would have to see it again and the pain is still too fresh. (Hint: I didn’t care for “House of the Dead”)
I have no hope that “Zombie Massacre” isn’t going to be a massive steaming pile of fertilizer liberally spiced with broken dreams and shattered careers. That being said… I’ll probably still see it.
…Also sadly the pencil trick didn’t work, I did however forget my phone number for about six months.
Sorry for no comic today, got a bit overwhelmed with freelance work again and couldn’t finish it in time. It’ll be there Friday though and promises to be awesome.
In the meantime, check this out. I am a huge fan of zombie comedies. This is a pretty good trailer I found I’ll have to track this movie down.
“A Little Bit Zombie” synopsis
Infected by a virus during his bachelor party, a mild mannered HR manager attempts to fulfill his overwhelming desire for brains and avoid Max, the obsessed Zombie Hunter hot on his trail. All while keeping it together so as not to incur the wrath of his Bridezilla-to-be.
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