Every good zombie story will always have the specter of death show up. Usually after the survivors of the initial wave of zombies start making poor life choices that will eventually get themselves killed.
Well truthfully I need to speed this storyline along so it’s time to meet the last being who can fulfill Lovecraft’s quest to become human again. Death himself.
Fungus has no place on a meal, for any reason, ever. Gross.
It’s a simple statement of fact that if you have a conversation with me that goes long enough eventually we will always come around to the topic of cannibalism. I’m not sure if this is me channeling my inner zombie or simply another aspect of my deeply deviant personality.
Perhaps I’m just simply amused at the reaction to topic brings out in others.
I love giving panels on zombie preparedness especially when the topic comes to what are you going to do for food. I submit to you that cannibalism is a perfectly reasonable option when supplies are running low.
Sure you may have some ethical and moral qualms to devouring your fellow zombie apocalypse survivor, but think about it. We are all just protein when it comes down to it.
Now here’s something else to think about. Your average kid these days spends the majority of his time playing video games, getting very little exercise, and marinating themselves in Mt. Dew and Dorritos. They are just like Veal and therefore very likely to be delicious.
See my wife hates it when I bring this subject up… especially when I start eying the kids and talking about barbeque.
Your zombie fortress will be your doom. Don’t worry about the zombies outside, fear the survivors inside as they will be the one’s who will get you killed. I love zombie movies, but they always have this one overbearing flaw.
You find yourself super safe and secure in your zombie fortress, you have plenty of food and guns, and beverages of your choice. Life’s pretty good right? Just wait for the zombies to rot away.
Nope, because now you’ve got to worry about the people you are cooped up with and according to EVERY SINGLE ZOMBIE MOVIE I’ve ever seen it’s almost guaranteed that they are idiots.
I’ve determined that if I find myself in a zombie fortress during the coming zombie apocalypse the first time anyone starts making suggestions about going outside or they start looking like they’re going crazy. Bam! Back of the head with a hammer when no one is looking.
That’s simple self preservation….. totally not murder. Don’t you judge me.
On a minor note about today’s comic. The joke is actually on the “Nigerian Prince” as money will be utterly worthless during any type of zombie apocalypse.
Caffeine is a harsh mistress and sometimes you’ve got to brave the zombie apocalypse to get it.
Now I love caffeine, I love it so much I would knock down my own grandmother to get it. But what am I going to do when the zombie apocalypse comes and my precious caffeine supply runs low? I may have to resort to looting.
Lol, who am I kidding, I’m going to start looting right off the bat.
However, even that wont keep me supplied with caffeine forever. So unless for some reason zombies start excreting caffeine (Shudder) my zombie apocalypse is going to involve a very long road trip to Columbia so I can start growing my own supply.
It would be like a more realistic version of “Zombieland” except I never would have shot Bill Murray whether he was a zombie or not.
And just like the noble Native American hunting buffalo a zombie will never let any part of the body go to waste. To do so would be a shame.
And sadly here is the end of a relatively meaningless character whom I’ve dubbed “Expendable Larry.” Not everyone is destined for greatness. Of course without a substantial body count no zombie movie is complete. So he did some good in the end.
Poor expendable Larry this is the last we shall ever see him…. or is it? Well I can truthfully say that this will be the last time we will ever see his rump.
It’s 3:00 am and I’ve been waiting for the intertubes to come back on so I can post this. Dang it, Al Gore, next time you invent a new medium that revolutionizes the entire world could you make it a little bit more dependable?
Admit it, you’ve thought of it. The perfect zombie apocalypse scenario. That special someone you like, zombies outside, and you just happen to be the only available mating option in the fortress of your choosing. Of course it goes without saying that you have ample supplies of food and ammunition…. and massage oil. (Look, I’m not here to judge you)
And then it all goes to crap as somebody way better looking than you shows up and you’re in “Zombie Apocalypse Friend Zone”
Now I grew up in the 80′s. If there is one thing I learned while watching an entirely inappropriate amount of horror movies for a child, it’s that in a horror movie only the two prettiest people survive. So if you end up in a scenario where “Manly Jim” is there, you have no choice but to quietly do away him. It’s your only hope.
Also if during the course of the zombie apocalypse you should find yourself trapped in the mall with a couple dozen supermodels…. and me…. and you happen to be better looking than I am. You probably sleep with one eye open. Just say’n.
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