So I took my daughter on a drink run Saturday morning and there was nice lady behind the counter had very pink hair and several glittery gems imbedded in her face.  My daughter couldn’t help but notice and comment on that.  Thank God, I’m a responsible parent and knew just what to say.  So I took this golden opportunity to educate her on the hazards of Sand Pimples.

Suddenly I sense judgment from all of you.  Look it’s my job as a parent to make sure that my daughter grows up with the knowledge THAT I DEEM IMPORTANT.  So she has to know that eating sand is the number one cause of sand pimples.

Right?

Look…. I’m old and therefore entitled to not liking what “Kids these days” are doing.   It’s my Cthulhu given right.   I don’t want my precious little girl embedding shiny pieces of glass or metal in her pristine little face like some sort of post apocalyptic road warrior’s concubine.  I just don’t.  If that’s your thing and you’ve convinced yourself that it’s a logical thing to do…. fine, but I think it’s kinda …..icky.

I’ve never been a fan of piercings.  I feel like I was born with a certain number of holes placed inside my gloriously manly body and Great Cthulhu willing I will die with that same number.  No adding or subtracting to the number of holes.  Again, if that’s your thing, fine.  But it’s not mine.

The question now is how to discourage my daughter from ever wanting to jab her face with metal chunks in the most responsible way possible.  Lie!  Of course!  This is where sand pimples come from.

Either my daughter will fear getting sand pimples OR in a misguided attempt to get them she’ll eat a lot of sand.  Either way daddy wins and no new holes will be added to my baby girl’s face.

That is what a good parent does.  (Pats self on back)

Now to sit back and wait for all the “piercing” hate mail.  I expect it may take longer to receive this time as people have to put iodine on their infected piercings before they write me.  (That’s a joke, internet.  Lighten up)