The worst thing you could ever do if you were stuck in a 80′s horror movie would be to start “making out” with a girl. That was a sure fire death sentence.
Especially with a certain repressed Super zombie (Cough!) Jason Voorhees! (Cough! Cough!) running around.
I miss those horror movies from my childhood. Here’s some helpful advice for surviving a 80′s style horror movie… Should you be magically transported into one. It could happen.
1. Never get nekid. Monsters love killing people in the shower. Besides being smelly won’t kill ya, but an ax through your spine will.
2. Never be a minority. Apparently in the 80′s only really pale people survived monster and serial killer attacks. (Be safe, never even get a tan as monsters are racist apparently)
3. Only the two prettiest people are going to survive so if someone is better looking than you you are going to have to kill them… It’s self defense at that point.
4. When staying in a haunted house don’t split up…. Leave!
5. As mentioned before, I don’t care how hot your girlfriend is, don’t “kiss” her. Little known fact: monsters and serial killers hate overt displays of affection (That’s my new theory)
There are more helpful tips I’m sure. Anyone got anymore?
