I don’t handle anxiety well. Not well at all. No matter how many times I tell my family not to leave me texts or messages like this they do it anyway.

I suspect they do this on purpose to mess with my delicate and fragile mental state. Yeah….. they’re always out to get me. Always plotting. CURSE YOU FAMILY! MUST YOU ALWAYS SEEK TO DESTROY ME!?

Or something more sane than that. People need to realize that text has no tone of voice so put a damn smiley face on your texts or I’m just going to assume that you hate me.

For the record the only thing that was exaggerated in this comic was the axe… I used a shovel.

Zombies only have one natural predator… The noble shark. Sadly for the human race the shark is limited to fighting zombies in the water. Until now!

Of course if sharks could walk around they would eventually run out of zombies to kill and then we would be in the same predicament we would be with the zombies. Lets face it, no matter how this plays out humanity is losing it’s place as the apex predator.

Zombie vs Shark classic clip for Fulci’s 1979 Zombies 2.

Also lets all ignore the unpleasant image of a human/shark hybrid with no anus! HOW DOES HE POOP!?!

The answer is he doesn’t

R.I.P.D. – Official Trailer showing how our world is always on the verge of being claimed by the living dead.  Looks a little “Men In Black” to me but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.  Don’t lie and say you didn’t like that movie too.

Jeff Bridges and Ryan Reynolds headline the 3D supernatural action-adventure R.I.P.D. as two cops dispatched by the otherworldly Rest In Peace Department to protect and serve the living from an increasingly destructive array of souls who refuse to move peacefully to the other side.

Anti Zombie Weapons are the stock and trade of Dr. H. West the “Revitalizer”.   He’s a totally a unique character and in no way, shape, or form, a character based on the character Herbert West Re-Animator from H.P. Lovecraft’s writings.  I swear it on a stack of flaming bibles.  I assume that flaming Bibles are the traditional means by which one swears to there honesty.  Look I was raised in a strict household and I have the burned hands to prove it.

When working on anti zombie weapons there is no line you cannot cross, no rule or ethic you cannot break.  Forbidden areas of research are suddenly no longer taboo, but are entirely encouraged.  It is all in a quest to rid yourself of the zombie menace and save the human race.

Think of it, are you willing to perform grisly experiments in the name of science if it will grant you anti zombie weapons of fearsome POWER!!!   Of course you are, and who could blame you.  Nobody wants to be stuck during a zombie apocalypse with nothing more to defend themselves but a Wiffle Bat and a plucky attitude.  (Although a plucky attitude will get you very far in life)

Thankfully I don’t have to worry about that much as I’m sort of armed to the teeth and I live in a state where owning a gun is commonplace.  In fact, I pity the poor zombie that tries to take over Utah.  Everyone here is armed, has a crap tonne of food storage, and the very terrain of the state makes Utah very unpleasant for zombie kind.

…Plus our multiple wives are excellent shots.

I’m doing fewer of these sketch comic’s these days as I’m trying to get the pace of my story to go faster.  But I had a tonne of work this weekend and a sketch comic is all I could manage.

Dang Mothers and their neediness, taking up all my time.  Or something equally insensitive.  So I drew an undead zombie mom to celebrate Mother’s Day of the Dead.

The most horrifying part of any zombie apocalypse is going to be the inevitable time when you are going to have to put a loved one down.  This could be good or bad depending on how well you get along with your relatives.  I won’t lie there’s a few family members who might meet with some unfortunate “accident” during a battle with the dead.

What?  Don’t you judge me.

Can I share something with you?  We’re friends right?  I have a slightly irrational fear that the previous owners of any place I have lived have put up cameras in my house just to watch me…….. Watch me do stuff.

The rational part of my brain, while admittedly very small compared to the irrational part, knows full well that no one would ever do this.  But every time I move I have to check for hidden cameras anyway.  It’s just part of my neurosis leaking out of me I suspect.

Hollywood doesn’t help me get over this irrational fear as every time I think I’ve got it beat I watch a movie where some psycho is watching people through a hidden camera in order to satisfy his depraved cravings.  Or possibly it’s the government…. Or aliens!!!

Honestly I’m giving myself an ulcer just thinking about it.

I’m also afraid of ghosts watching me while I pee, but that’s another story for another day.

Forbidden sights And scandalous betrayals abound in today’s comic.  It seems we have something of a zombie love triangle here.  Well except that Lovecraft doesn’t want anything to do with his ex-wife.  It’s just that he doesn’t want to see her happy either.  And especially not with his brother.

I confess that I also do not want to see my ex-wife happy nor my siblings.  In fact nobody’s allowed to be happy!  I’m suddenly convinced that their must be a finite amount of happiness in this world and for someone to experience happiness another person MUST have their happiness taken away.  It’s my theory of “Conservation of…. happiness and fuzzy feelings.”  Or something.  Look, it’s a working title.

If you look at it that way every time you feel good about something, you are stealing happiness from someone.  And stealing is wrong.

By the same token if you deliberately choose to be unhappy and become a bitter old crank then in fact you a true humanitarian as you are simply giving away your happiness to someone needier than yourself to enjoy.  Technically that means that when I’m pissy and bitter driving down the road…. I’m a hero.

That makes me feel really good about myself………. Ah HELL now I’m stealing!

I really need to stop writing these posts so late at night.  (Sigh)