Last week was an awesome time to be driving in Utah. With the snow and honking I really enjoyed my three hour commutes. It was…… super.
I shouldn’t be allowed behind the wheel of a car. To be honest I seem to undergo a horrible change when I do. Gone is the loveable Ghandi’esque human being and in it’s place, like some sort of malevolent changeling, is a beast…man… beast man with the mouth of a trucker and a heart full of hate. The things I say and the curses I fling at my fellow man would shame a serial killer. I would never behave outside my car like I do behind the wheel. I’m not proud of that.
Thankfully we don’t have horrible plagues running rampant around the world like I’ve so often wished. And if we did there is no chance that I would be magically spared. In truth I’d probably be one of the first to croak. Do you have any idea how many sinus infections I seam to get a year. If it weren’t for antibiotics I’d have been dead long ago.
That brings me to the zombie apocalypse. Talk to anyone out there about their “Zombie Attack Plan” and they are entirely convinced that they will be one of the survivors defending themselves from the hordes of the living dead. The problem with that of course is that hordes of zombies don’t just make themselves.
It takes a whole lot of dead people, people like you and me. And this is why I’m pro zombie, I’ve made my piece with my inevitable zombification and I’m comforted by the sure knowledge that I will not be alone.
Yet so many people thing that they will survive to be in the apocalypse. I got to tell you it’s going to be a pretty boring zombie apocalypse if it ends up being just one zombie and six billion humans chasing after him with guns. We’ve got to give the poor undead a sporting chance.
I feel your pain and share your experience when it comes to behind the wheel. Outside of my car, i can keep my rage in check and do so pretty well….minus some random incidents. But when i’m behind the wheel, the rage just fills so quickly that there’s nothing I can do but release it. Anyone who has driven through DFW and had to deal with 635 knows exactly why. It is a stretch of highway that was built by the damned and paved with their tortured souls….and it never seems to be done being worked on. Just when a project is done, they start working on some other section (or like what they’re currently doing, rip up what was just done being built and alter it). And for whatever reason, many individuals seem to have common sense, logic and reasoning ripped from their very being as they hit the on ramp. Every day some jackass hits some other jackass which then in turn causes a 15 minute drive to take over an hour…..if there is a hell, my eternity will be sitting on that god forsaken stretch of road for eternity.
Its a protective barrier of sorts, like a troll on the internet. Nobody will ever find out its you. And if they do, you would sheepishly cry to mommy.
On the zombie subject, yes hundreds think that they will survive, but thousands just don’t beleive or care. That is where the hoard is made
This is part of the reason I don’t travel much and a large part of why I never want to live in or particularly near a large city.
I try to watch the weather very carefully in winter. If a storm is coming in I’m up at four to hopefully beat the masses into work.
Nobody takes the day off for bad weather here. Apparently we’d rather spend the day locked in traffic.
Sadly this past week I didn’t get up in time.
Here is a sad Statistic. Time yourself from getting into your car until you get out at work (minutes or hours). times that by 5. That’s how many minutes or hours a week you spend in your car just getting to work. For me it is a 30 minute drive (no traffic it is 10minutes) Assuming that you spend the same amount of time struggling to get home, for me roughly 1 hour a day is spent commuting so that comes to 5 hours per week… or 260 hours a year… 10.83 full days (24 hour periods) sitting in that car as an average. This is an excellent argument for working from home.. Also think of all the pollution. If we are going to survive to become zombies in the apocalypse, how are we going to do that if we destroy our ozone… unless this is what causes the zombie apocalypse…hmmm I’m off to drive around just in case that helps.
Oh God….. The depression is starting to set in. I spend waaaaay too much time commuting each week.