Edward Cullen’s gross love life is a topic of regular discussion in my home. Mainly because my wife is a Twilight fan and because as a professional A-hole I enjoy ruining things that other people care about. It’s what I do, It’s what I love. So I thoroughly enjoy pointing out how creepy Edward Cullen the character really is.
I take great pride in the fact that as of this moment when you type the keywords “Edward Cullen Sucks” into Google image search the zombiefied version of Edward Cullen from this comic appears third. That’s an achievement to be proud of.
Now please don’t get me wrong, I’ve read the Twilight series and I’m fully aware that Stephanie Myer did not write them for me. If she would have then Edward Cullen would have been more of a badass and there would have been way more explosions. Possibly a cool car chase with helicopters and a sassy monkey sidekick.
See! Do you see this? This is how weird fan fiction starts. You get obsessed with something in a story and you either want to change it or you want to continue the story. Often times you end up putting yourself into the story and creating what’s called a “Mary Sue” character. Arguably that is the greatest criticism of the whole series is that it reads like a big giant Mary Sue story.
My wife doesn’t care. Despite Edward Cullen’s many many flaws she still likes him. I’m going to have to make my piece with that. Especially since my own fandoms are also so horribly vulnerable to criticism. Painfully so in fact.
On a side note, the actor Robert Pattinson who played Edward. You know he has to have Googled himself before. I wonder if he’s seen my comic version of him? And I wonder if he wants to punch me in the face. Probably.
Is that meal giblets?
If by Giblets you mean the Mailman then yes.
My issue with twilight, other than the glittering and sparkling…….he’s decades old, getting it on with a teenager. All this series does is state that statutory rape is okay as long as you’re pretty and sparkle. If he had been the nosferatu type of vampire, he would have been a evil villain and some van helsing type person would have shown up to stake his ass and set him on fire. They would have said he brain washed her into loving him…..and don’t get me started on the werewolf soul bonding with an infant girl. If it had been my daughter, i’d have a new wolf skin rug in the middle of my living room.
From what I heard, Robert Pattinson didn’t think much of his character either and reportedly hated playing him, although I’m too lazy to verify those piece of information this morning.
My guess is he’d like the zombie version more than the original, actually.
So what this is saying is an undead pedifile wants to create hellspawn?
My main problem with Twilight is the fact that these Vampires keep going to highschool for no reason. Supposedly it’s to bolster their disguise and stay hidden. But they could just claim to be home schooled and that would be even better.
Just a lame excuse to have a Highschool drama.
Actually, that whole home=schooled thing falls apart real quickly. For most of the 20th century, home-schooling in most states was illegal.
The Twilight series is nothing more than mental masturbation by a middle aged house wife who desperately wanted some romance. The fact that this crap appeals primarily to lonely housewives and tween age girls aught to tell people that it’s nothing more than crap.
Ah but to be fair I can’t tell you how many “Forgotten Realms” book and various similar books I read growing up. Sure it wasn’t “Twilight” romance escapism, but it was basically the male equivalent.
I like to poke a little fun at Twilight but the truth is we ALL have things that we like that others find completely ridiculous.
Man… why do I always feel like a Twilight apologist when this subject comes up?
The Twilight series Is fan fiction
so which is Stephanie Myer?
ps,everyone goes on about sparkle, I was pretty offended
by the werewolves too.
I cam to terms with twilight a while ago. I found that if you simply imagine every time they say Vampire….that they instead say blood sucking fairy…well the shows are all right, and it explains the sparkly bits.
That and it keeps me from howling that he needs his balls removed to be turned into a disco ball for a local club.
If it helps, just imagine what Dracula would do to his sparklyness.
I think the music artist Voltaire did a spoof of his song “Vampire Club” that was related to other vampires reaction to Twilight vampires.
Actually Ewww. that bit about half breed spawn wriggling with love reminds me of the maggot birthing dream in “The Fly”