Edward Cullen’s gross love life is a topic of regular discussion in my home. Mainly because my wife is a Twilight fan and because as a professional A-hole I enjoy ruining things that other people care about. It’s what I do, It’s what I love. So I thoroughly enjoy pointing out how creepy Edward Cullen the character really is.
I take great pride in the fact that as of this moment when you type the keywords “Edward Cullen Sucks” into Google image search the zombiefied version of Edward Cullen from this comic appears third. That’s an achievement to be proud of.
Now please don’t get me wrong, I’ve read the Twilight series and I’m fully aware that Stephanie Myer did not write them for me. If she would have then Edward Cullen would have been more of a badass and there would have been way more explosions. Possibly a cool car chase with helicopters and a sassy monkey sidekick.
See! Do you see this? This is how weird fan fiction starts. You get obsessed with something in a story and you either want to change it or you want to continue the story. Often times you end up putting yourself into the story and creating what’s called a “Mary Sue” character. Arguably that is the greatest criticism of the whole series is that it reads like a big giant Mary Sue story.
My wife doesn’t care. Despite Edward Cullen’s many many flaws she still likes him. I’m going to have to make my piece with that. Especially since my own fandoms are also so horribly vulnerable to criticism. Painfully so in fact.
On a side note, the actor Robert Pattinson who played Edward. You know he has to have Googled himself before. I wonder if he’s seen my comic version of him? And I wonder if he wants to punch me in the face. Probably.