Every zombie movie has an A-hole character in it, or two, or three. Actually I’ve seen zombie movies where the entire cast are assholes and there is nobody you care about. This A-hole character is crucial and necessary to the plot of these terrible movies. Without him lazy writers would be hard pressed to think of ways to move the zombie movie’s plot along and get the zombies to kill everyone.

You simply need the A-hole to screw up whatever safety the survivors manage to carve out for themselves during the zombie apocalypse.

This is why when the zombie apocalypse happens…. and oh yes it’ll happen I have a very simple plan. When I find myself in a zombie fortress and things are going well I will quietly examine my fellow survivors. At the first sign of group tension the offenders will be systematically killed in their sleep and baked into a delightful meatloaf.

I don’t waste meat. I was raised better than that
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…Also

Maybe it’s because I’m a bitter dried up husk of a human being, but I can’t stand that little cretin Justin Bieber.  Or possibly I’ve been influenced by the MASSIVE amount of Bieber hate that is out there.  Not unwarranted, he’s made a complete jackass of himself in the media lately. His public meltdown is in the news on a pretty much daily basis right now.

This clip is probably the funniest thing I have ever seen. Zach Galifianakis is officially my hero.