A Very Lonely Vampire Girl.

I was at Barnes and Nobles this weekend idly going down the “Teen Paranormal Romance” isle.  There was of course my ten minutes of old man grumpiness at the fact that almost all the books look like a Twilight knock off.

Gray monotone covers and plucky “Mary Sue” character ready to fall in love with some magical being and make babies.  I blame my wife for the popularity of these books.  She has collected quite a library of them and they mock me.

In my wife’s collection there are stories of various heroines falling in love with vampires, werewolves, angels, and demons.  Sometime it’s the heroine who’s the magical creature falling in love with something.

But you know what you very rarely find?  A male protagonist falling in love with a vampire girl, or some other powerful monster.  That would be exceedingly rare.

Imagine “Twilight” remade but Bella’s a dude and Edward is powerful murderous vampire woman desperately trying to restrain herself from killing the male hero of the story.  Nobody wants to read that, especially dudes.  You know why?

No guy wants to date a vampire girl who could rip his head off!

That just doesn’t happen.  If my wife would have been a vampire girl I would have been dead probably a few dozen times over by now.  Because as a guy, and I do dumb things.  And I will probably do something dumb again real soon….. because I’m a guy.

And while my wife is getting all mad at me and junk I don’t want her thinking, “I could totally just kill and eat him right now.”  It is my firm belief that if while women may be attracted to a powerful and slightly dangerous mate, guys are considerably less so.

And now I sit back and wait for wave after wave of people to point out examples where I’m wrong and cases where that happens all the time.  I accept this and am comfortable with the sure knowledge that I am completely full of crap.  First one to mention “Let the right one in” wins a prize (Prizes include a creepy back massage by me).