If you have kids you’ve had to endure the grueling experience of reading bedtime stories to them.  That’s not a bad thing except for the fact that those stories are pure unadulterated bullplop.  What kind of crap is this? And what type of message is that for kids?

In “The Princess and the Pea” this woman just shows up to the castle claiming to be a princess.  Okay, fine.  But what is the genius test they use to determine if this is true?  They make a super comfy bed for her except for one single tiny pea hidden under the bottom mattress.  And this unbearably weak, high maintenance woman can’t handle that!  What the hell!

Do you know how royalty became royalty in the first place?  It’s because they beat the crap out of anyone else who tried to tell them what to do.  They were the biggest and strongest in the tribe and kicked butt so they could be in charge.  Then they went to the next tribe and beat them up too.  Eventually they called that a kingdom.  But nothing lasts forever.  Royalty starts marrying off their kids to other royalty and the gene pool starts getting pretty shallow.

Eventually someone’s going to have a kid who can’t stop having nosebleeds.   This is when your kingdom starts going to crap.

Now back to when I tell these stories to my own children.  Well let’s just say I like to add my own “REVISED” message to these bedtime tales.  Sometimes it’s to be more realistic, sometimes it’s to change a terrible moral message, and yep let’s be honest… Sometimes I just like to mess with my kid’s heads.

It’s what I call good parenting.