And you thought empathy couldn’t be weaponized, but you were wrong. I personally thought that the Care Bears were terrifying growing up. Even now I think they would make excellent shock troops for a war against the undead. You know because they are bears, albeit tiny empathic bears. Plus that horrifying “Care Bear Stare” looked like it could do some real damage.

So here’s something I have to admit. I am deathly afraid of bears. It’s a massive evil monster of an animal that is fully capable and willing to eat and later crap me out of it’s digestive track. I have to admit that I am afraid of that. And as Master Yoda put it, “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to… suffering.” And that is why it’s my opinion that we should wipe out all the bears. Because we would like to avoid suffering.

Okay I would like to avoid suffering. Suffering brought on by me being eaten by a bear. Man, I hate those things.

I still remember a trip to the woods and watching one of those fur covered murder beasts casually walk across a road. Our eyes met for one instance and I could clearly see that in place of a soul the hairy beast merely had a molten ball of hate in it’s breast and wished to do me harm. You can’t trust those things.

So lets get it together America…. and kill all the bears. So that I feel slightly more safe camping.