Dang it, could not finish the comic today with all the other work I had to do. Check back Monday for a new comic.
Archive for ‘April, 2013’
Zombie Bites almost always spell horrific doom unless the offending limb is amputated. If you get bit by a zombie anywhere else though just…. just… jump off a bridge or something. Because you are screwed.
Why are zombies bites so lethal? You get bit by a zombie you become one same as a vampire or a werewolf. You know what don’t get bit by monsters. It’s a really really bad idea. Okay maybe you can get bitten by the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I’m pretty sure it’ll hurt, but you won’t become one. That’s a shame though as there are too few of those. I like that movie.
Anyway, the idea of zombie bites being so lethal comes from Night of the Living Dead of course. George Romero’s rules of zombiism are if you die for any reason, you become a zombie. Or if a zombie bites you, you turn and become a zombie right away. Why this is, is never explained. Night of the living dead makes a reference to radiation from a space probe as a likely cause of the dead coming back to life. Maybe just maybe when you get bit by a zombie you get a concentrated dose of said radiation. Sound plausible? Not really?
Okay how about this. When a zombie bites you, you become a zombie for one very important reason. It makes zombies scarier. Take that ability away from zombies and you have a bunch of awkward smelly weak monsters that are easily gunned down. Not very scary. Make them highly infectious though and you’ll wet yourself when you see them coming.
A monster that infects it’s prey to create more monsters taps into all our fears of paranoia, disease, and our own inevitable demise. That and it’s just plain cool.
I for one look forward to administering zombie bites to all those around me when I “turn.”
Once bitten by a zombie your fate is never in doubt. Your only hope, and it’s a slim one at that is to chop off the limb that the zombie bit. Easier said than done I think.
“Day of the Dead” (1985) poor old Miguel gets a chunk taken out of his arm because he’s kind of an idiot and in a desperate attempt to save him he gets the limb chopped off. If you’ve seen the movie you’ll know it would have been better for everyone if they just would have capped him. I admit that’s back seat zombie quarterbacking on my part though.
There’s also a ludicrous amount of amputation in the movie “Dead Snow” (2009) after a zombie bite as well. I won’t ruin it for you, but I’d rather just become a zombie at that point.
Oh yeah, …..spoiler warnings, or something. Better late then never.
A zombie bite is a death sentence in just about every zombie movie I’ve ever seen.
The first mosquito of the year invade my home the other day and not being able to find the little monster I stayed up for hours and hours hunting the little horror. I hunted the little blood sucker for four hours before finally cornering it and sending it back to hell.
My wife finds this somewhat annoying as If I’m going to stay up hunting this little blood sucking fiend, everyone else is going to stay up hunting this little blood sucking fiend as well. How she could even attempt to sleep knowing this tiny menace would be circling around waiting for you to sleep so that it could…… penetrate you, is beyond me. I truly hate mosquitoes.
It is my firm belief that mosquito’s are either proof that there is no God, or that there is a God, but he hates us with a fiery hate that only the blood of the innocent can satisfy.
I truly truly hate mosquitoes more than just about anything. If it were in my power I would annihilate every last on of these flying abominations and damn the consequences to the environment. The world would be better off in the long run.
As we learned in the last zombie comic when your zombie fortress fails the zombies will get in and try to kill everyone. And they will be successful too. And that’s when all the humans will take the opportunity to go insane.
The survivors should be rushing to the common defense and pushing back the relentless hordes of the living dead, but instead they almost always they take that moment to try to settle old scores that have been festering the entire movie. That’s because zombie siege movies are pressure cooker movies, and the survivors are dumb. Like really really dumb. Usually a-holes too.
It’s kind of the plot of most reality television actually, minus the zombies. You take a group of cranky jerks and jam them into a high stress situation where they can’t leave. All they can do is piss each other off and ratchet up the tension. It’s only a matter of time at that point before they can finally vent their frustration.
Not to worry, soon the zombie fortress will fall and hijinks will ensue. Not all rivalries and grudges are the same however, sometimes the pettiest of squabbles can lead to sticky and permanent ends to your characters lives.
Also before I get fifty people commenting that I should watch the British series “Dead Set” thanks, I’ve already seen it and I liked it.
A zombie fortress is a futile endeavor that will get you killed. It is a well documented fact that a zombie fortress just doesn’t work. Don’t believe me? How about this plot for a movie.
The survivors hole up in a well stocked and well fortified zombie fortress. There’s plenty of food, safety, and guns and the zombies have no hope of getting in. In fact they never do get in and everyone inside is perfectly fine. The movie is over, nothing happens and you really want your money back.
This movie makes exactly $0.00 and that’s rounded up. The problem is is that this is the “Siege” type of zombie movie originally seen in “Night of the Living Dead” and done to death about a million times by lesser and lesser movies. But what was once original and cool when Romero did it, is now tired and cliched these days. So what’s the main problem with this movie type? The zombie fortress idea of course.
You have a external and omnipresent threat on the outside and a group mentally challenged survivors holed up in a zombie fortress. If there isn’t some sort of conflict to bring the movie to resolution then that’s pretty dull. And by resolution that almost always means a fight with the zombies outside. The problem then becomes how are we going to bring the zombies to the survivors or the survivors to the zombies?
Bad writing saves the day. A contrived and badly done excuse for the survivors to leave the safety of their zombie fortress is constructed, the zombies come in and eat everyone and the movie comes to a close. You can’t avoid this fate. The rules of Drama forbid it.
Your only hope to survive then becomes to make yourselves a more proactive zombie fortress, one that actively eliminates the zombie threat outside. And with any luck the zombies will be much less of a menace when all your other idiot survivor friends make poor life decisions that culminate in them opening the doors.
Behold! I give you the ultimate zombie fortress… Plants Vs. Zombies. An entire game that has a better plot than 97% of siege based zombie movies. I say forget about “World War Z” as a zombie movie block buster. I want to see the movie version of “Plants Vs. Zombies.”