I still remember when my dad attempted to have “The Talk” with me. It was on a bleak lonely dirt road when I was twelve when my dad started awkwardly mentioning something about birds and bees and the unclean acts that these horrific creatures got up to.
So long story short, I found myself leaping desperately from the passenger side of a beat up pickup determined to save my fragile psyche from a well meaning conversation I didn’t need and greatly feared.
I won’t bore you with the details of my flight to freedom, nor the dark pacts I was forced to make to stay alive. Blood was spilled, souls were bartered. You know, the usual stuff.
Suffice it to say it was a dark night that scars me to this day.
I’ve never understood the whole birds and bees thing. It’s probably because that was never used to explain sex to me, but it just doesn’t make sense to me.