Every time I fly I always have this weird urge to start messing with security. I know that would be a terrible idea and the best I could hope for as a result of my actions would be to go to jail where I’m sure I’d be traded for a pack of cigarettes.
Never the less that self destructive urge is in me every time I travel. I am afraid that one day I’ll crack. In fact I’m sure of it.
Bill Cosby said it best… “HOPE THE PLANE DON”T CRASH!”
Can’t say that now. you’ll get tackled and held as a terrorist. Damn plane-jackers, ruined all the fun.
One day I’ll crack and you will end up seeing me on the news in cuffs. I’ll be shouting how “It just ain’t natural fer man ta fly! You’z all gonna die!”
I work Airport security in Canada. There are some jokes we will tolerate, some that will get you in cuffs and banned from flying.
One of my favorites was a wife who made it through the medal detector first and was waiting for her husband to get through. When he set off the metal detector she nagged him in a loud voice
“I told you to get the lead out your ass!”
We all cracked up laughing at that one.
If you are traveling solo claming to have “Abs of iron” “buns of steel” etc are not ones we hear everyday and is worth a chuckle. Another one is claiming to have a high iron diet. Clever jokes like these are good.
Ones that pertain to the safty of the aircraft or the passengers are the ones that are forbidden territory
See, but I have this weird fear that I’m going to crack and start running around the airport screaming I’m a terrorist.
It’s illogical and irrational, but I think about it every single time I fly.
After the flight from Frankfurt, debarking on Atlanta airport, when i was asked if i was “planning to overthrow the US government”, i was urged to reply with : “Wot do you mean? We, ze germans are always striving for world domination!” and click my heels, doing a snappy salute. But i was dressed like a biker, so that would have taken away the proper impression.
Same went on when I was asked if i was carrying any drugs or weapons on me (which would have fit my outfit better). It was really hard to resist any joking and the customs officer was pissed because of my idiotic grin. Though he completely ignored the big black paper case roll with the bright orange warning stickers on my back, styled as a rocket canister – that really confused me.