100% True Tales Of a Cartoonist: Too Pale For Kwanzaa
on December 19, 2012 at 3:00 amDid you know that if you call your wife “White Devil” you are going to sleep on the couch? Weird right? It seams that “white devil” is not considered a term of endearment.
So my eight year old is learning about different holidays in school and was ecstatic too discover her own somewhat diluted African heritage as it gives her an excuse to celebrate Kwanzaa. To an eight year old (and apparently to a thirty-eight year old) more holidays equal more presents. So she wants to do them all. Sadly this just ain’t gonna happen as my credit cards are already pissed at me.
The beauty of my daughter discovering her link to the “Dark Continent” is that this kid couldn’t be more pale. She’s got red hair, blue eyes, and if you hold her up to the sun you can read through her. I live in mortal terror that a stray beam of sunlight will strike her directly and she’ll go up like a Roman Candle. I of course blame her “White Devil” mother for this.
By the way, nobody tell her I called her that again. It’s cold and lonely on the couch and being there fills me with the sadness.
I think this is one of the few times where posting at 3AM might end up biting you in the butt.
And who doesn’t like more presents?
Also, use the forums people.
Nah, I’ll be fine. I told my wife that she can’t read today’s comic. I’m sure that she will totally respect my wishes…….. Oh crap! I’m a dead man.
By the way, someone is trying to contact you via the forums. You should probably check that out.
Crap I’ll check it out.
Does this mean you like to get in touch with your African-American culture by watching Charlize Theron movies and listening to the Dave Matthews Band?
Would that work? Because staring slack jawed at the lovely Charlize Theron sounds like a pretty good time to me.
Is it just me, or did you draw your daughter without a nose? Is she a zombie?
She does call herself my zombie daughter so that is entirely possible.
You do know that Kwanza is entirely made up, and is not based on any African traditions whatsoever. Basically, some black yuppie guy looked at Hanukkah and thought, “Hey, we should have a reason to piss off and be pissed off at Whitey during Christmas, too!!”
As I understand it Valentine’s day was originally created by Halmark to sell more cards to suckers.
Personally I hate all holidays except Halloween, but that’s just me.
Even April Fool’s Day?
April Fool’s Day was created by the Catholics to mock the Pagan New Year. Valentines Day, Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, and Grandparent’s Day were all manufactured by Hallmark to increase card sales during the lulls between real holidays. There is absolutely no “tradition” behind 75% of the various holidays we “celebrate”; they were all created for ulterior motives; usually for profit’s sake.
Makes holidays seem rather cheap and tawdry, doesn’t it? ;P