The worst thing you could ever do if you were stuck in a 80′s horror movie would be to start “making out” with a girl. That was a sure fire death sentence.
Especially with a certain repressed Super zombie (Cough!) Jason Voorhees! (Cough! Cough!) running around.
I miss those horror movies from my childhood. Here’s some helpful advice for surviving a 80′s style horror movie… Should you be magically transported into one. It could happen.
1. Never get nekid. Monsters love killing people in the shower. Besides being smelly won’t kill ya, but an ax through your spine will.
2. Never be a minority. Apparently in the 80′s only really pale people survived monster and serial killer attacks. (Be safe, never even get a tan as monsters are racist apparently)
3. Only the two prettiest people are going to survive so if someone is better looking than you you are going to have to kill them… It’s self defense at that point.
4. When staying in a haunted house don’t split up…. Leave!
5. As mentioned before, I don’t care how hot your girlfriend is, don’t “kiss” her. Little known fact: monsters and serial killers hate overt displays of affection (That’s my new theory)
There are more helpful tips I’m sure. Anyone got anymore?
6. You don’t have to outrun the monster… just your buddy/girlfriend so trip him/her. Or break their leg so they can’t get away and they’ll make more noise allowing for you to slip away quietly. You can always get more friends or girlfriends. I mean how attached were you to them anyways? I am sure this was all their fault.
If I were in Romey’s position right now, I’d be very glad that I’m a video game playing nerd in the basement right about now. I think the reason behind number five is that 80′s horror movie monsters/villains suffer from extreme jealousy because they are unable to get a girlfriend themselves.
Well, this may seem counter-intuitive, but since full frontal male nudity does not exist in most horror films, he needs to walk around with his junk out but he can not use it any way. No peeing, washing, intercourse, or whatever, he just needs to let it all hang out.
If you have psychic powers, screw throwing things at the monster while you run screaming like a ninny. Pick up the monster and throw him in the lake, or a deep hole that you can then toss the tractor and other heavy objects into.
That or you could just make it smash into stuff until it’s either dead, unconscious, or swears that it’ll stop trying to murder you and your friends if you’ll stop.
i guess they try to be “healthy” with white meat ??
-Never look back whilst running away from the monster, as it only slows you down.
-You will fall at least twice while being chased. Just dust yourself off and keep running.
Although would depend on what type of 80s horror movie you were teleported into. Personally, as I lucid dream, I’d prefer to be teleported into a Nightmare on Elm Street. (Also, Freddy happens to be my favourite horror villain).
its because they themselves can’t get affection isn’t it?
and…why the frick do I keep getting a female picture next to my post? .____.
Don’t say that! You know now that someone is going to feel obliged to make “Bride of Jason”!!
Ooooh “Bride of Jason” If they make a movie called that I’ll watch it.