Absolutely True Tales From A Cartoonist’s Life
on October 19, 2011 at 3:00 amPosted In: comics, Random Comics
This is 100% true and no attempt at embellishment has been made.
Buuuuuuut I fancy myself a cartoonist so just for fun I had to immortalize my wife’s night time madness as a comic. My in-laws will be pleased.
I don’t know what the deal is with me and sleep, but I don’t sleep through the night… Ever. I sleep so lightly that if a Gnat farts a mile away from my house I’m up, checking the locks, and convinced a murderer in the house.
For the record, here in Utah we have a huge problem with gassy gnats. Late in the evening you can sit out on your porch watching swarms of bugs and clouds of methane. It’s a sight to behold.
Anyway, the result of all this excessively loud bug flatulence is that I don’t sleep well.
When I first saw this, I thought that Cooper had woken up from a crazy dream. And gnat farts sound funny. Have you ever thought to toss a match in that gnat and fart cloud?
That’s because Cooper and my wife share similar attributes.
I’ll have to try lighting them on fire…. It’s fun and it’ll help me sleep later.
Also… Stop staring at my wife’s attributes. (Shakes finger at Fijiman)
I was staring more at your face in the last panel than anything else. It’s funny.
People say that about me all the time. I’m beginning to think they aren’t complementing me.
Yeah, I mistook your wife fpr Cooper too. Have you tried to move the bed somewhere else in the room? Or maybe change where you lay in the bed? Many men have problems sleeping if they aren’t nearer to the door. It has something to do with the protector-instinct, to be able fight any cave animals that might threaten your family at night.
That could well be me and my girl! Seriously….What is it with the girls dreams? They scare the hell out of me!! And I laugh at horror movies!!!!
Gnats are gassy because they eat grass.
How much gas making grass can a gassy gnat eat?
Gassy gnats will eat as much gas making grass
as a gassy gnat can eat before passing gas.
(A little rough, but I had a gas writing it
)
Lol That got me, I laughed.
Try saying it 3x fast at work…
LMFAO!
Thanks. and oh yes this is 100% true. I am still scared of the man who lives in her spine. What the?
Don’t worry the only thing that lives in our spines is the Tingler.
I talk in my sleep too. And apparently answer back when someone talks to me. Nothing I say ever makes any sense, though at one point after I read Lovecraft for the first time, I mentioned Cthulu several times and freaked my friends out. To this day, I can’t remember anything about it
That’s how it starts…. next comes madness, then you’ll have to join a cult.
How do you feel about tentacles
one word…hentai
Says the guy who looks like he belongs in one.
Eh, I’d be OK about joining a cult. And tentacles. I don’t think I’m mad yet though. Of course, a truly mad person might say that anyway, so I guess we’ll never know…
True, how would you know you were crazy? I knew a guy who thought he was “John the Babtist”. No amount of evidence was going to convince him otherwise.
Got gnats? Get bats. Nothing gets rid of gnats better than bats.
Then you can truly be bats.
But if I have a tragedy around me when a bat flies by I might become Batman… I can’t take that risk.
I think you’re too old to become Batman at this point. That and I’m sure you don’t have access to millions of dollars.
You, Sir, have crushed my dreams of becoming an emotionally damaged vigilante who thinks fighting criminals one on one is more effective than spending his money improving society as a whole.
I am reduced to tears… manly tears, yes, but tears none the less.
Yeah, I do stuff like that to people sometimes. Like one time when I caught one of my friends completely off guard while playing Toy Soldiers and won the match, at which point he started to yell “RAPE!” to the most hilarious fashion for like five minutes because I crushed him so badly. The more I think about his voice at that time the more I laugh.
i’m not sure if the fact ive had that sorta experience with both my best friend who rose from bed pointed at nothing and began spouting obscenities like a true sailor AND and ex girlfriend… and both times simply looked around said ok and promptly flopped back to sleep makes me MORE or LESS crazy than everyone else
One question…. Was their alcohol involved? Cause that could explain that.
Nope we were like 17
You know some gnats are carnivorous . That could make them flatulent. If I were a gnat I would binge on White Castle Cheeseburgers and use the subsequent gas as jet propulsion. I’m always looking for a greener source of transportation……….No pun intended .
I think that’s technically a browner form of transportation.
Flesh eating gnats sounds like the plot of a really bad 80′s horror movie… I’d watch it though.
I think the real question is, did your wife actually try eating more spiders, and did it make her hair shinier? If so, you could sell that idea to L’Oreal for a bundle!
Well, either L’Oreal or the estate of Vincent Price….