This is 100% true and no attempt at embellishment has been made.
Buuuuuuut I fancy myself a cartoonist so just for fun I had to immortalize my wife’s night time madness as a comic. My in-laws will be pleased.
I don’t know what the deal is with me and sleep, but I don’t sleep through the night… Ever. I sleep so lightly that if a Gnat farts a mile away from my house I’m up, checking the locks, and convinced a murderer in the house.
For the record, here in Utah we have a huge problem with gassy gnats. Late in the evening you can sit out on your porch watching swarms of bugs and clouds of methane. It’s a sight to behold.
Anyway, the result of all this excessively loud bug flatulence is that I don’t sleep well.