Edward Cullen, a character written to be the perfect man. A man to make all teanage girls little hearts flutter and for all married woman to judge their husbands against…. and to find them wanting.
But what happens when that glittery jerk isn’t around Bella and can “Let his hair down” so to speak. I submit to you that he’s just as big of a pig as the rest of us men. Possibly even more so.
This Christmas my wife has informed me that her and the other female members of my family are coming over to my house and are going to watch the next chapter in the “Twilight SAGA.” She has let it be known that “on pain of death” I am ordered to keep my big yapper shut. Apparently my hilarious comentary on the Edward/Bella epic romance is not appreciated. I feel sadness over this as I thought my witty remarks and mild criticisms were pretty damned funny…. they always made me laugh anyway.
Oh well, at least I get to make a webcomic about it to amuse myself. It’s what I do, it’s what I love.
Am I the only one that sees that edward is a pedo? I mean he’s over like 500 and he still goes after teen girls. If a 20 year old did that he’d go to jail.
I always thought he was an in the closet homosexual… I mean what guy wants to go through life all sparkley…. If I were a vampire I’d wanna be one more like from the Blade series or True Blood, none of them wanted to have sparkles.
I hear that they are making a twilight RPG. Yeah, now we can leave up our sparkle power! Suddenly vampires seem like the motherfucking care bears.
Was’nt it you that described twilight as the choice between Necrophilia and bestiality? I have used that line to hook up with a chick before. So yeah, thanks, you helped kill my three week dry spell.
nice work carter. just a random sugestion: your zombies kicking the twilight characters asses? edward would not stand a chance against lovecraft, even in his curent, mashed potato-like state.
LMAF nice picture how what my house is like when grandma comes home….
Aaaw crap, you guys are putting me in the uncomfortable position of actually defending Twilight… sort of.
Antonious, It’s not quite “That” creepy. Bella’s 17, I’d agree with you if she was 12. That would be gross or at least more gross. Also don’t forget the Granddaddy of all vampires Dracula was hundreds of years older than Lucy.
Hecter, while that did make me laugh I don’t think being sparkly makes Edward “dabble in the love that dare not speak it’s name” Now, bad fashion sense, I’ll give you that.
Zombiologist, an RPG would be awesome if for no other reason than it would get girls into a hobby that has too many dudes in it.
Veratu, Zombies would kick vampires buts for one simple reason… massive numbers. That’s one vampire vs. an entire zombie apocalypse. Zombies win. Just my humble opinion though.
Guys, the real reason I love to give “Twilight” a hard time is that it’s blatant teenage girl wish fulfillment, and the worst example of a Marry Sue character. Other than that I really have no problem with it.
Although it is really funny to show my wife these comics to see her reaction. I get punched a lot.
Haha yeah I think we can all agree on that it’s better to have you alive so obey your wife for gods sake xD
One thing that I really hate whit twilight is that I get flashbacks from playing World of Darkness every time the other vampires (the coven or what ever they are called) comes in play. And I can safely say that even though our gaming group was completely disorganised at the relatively short quest we had, that was the most nerve-wrecking and inspiring game I’w ever played.
And just because of these flashbacks I somehow fund eclipse somewhat enjoyable… :/
Like almost so much that I might watch new moon too… (why yes I have only seen the first and the third movie)
Other than that I’ll just stick to my “eeeeeeeehw” and “go team Dracula”
When Twilight was all the rage I was picking up a zombie book from the local Chapters. The girl behind the cash said “Oh zombies! Then you would probably really like the Twilight series… It is about vampires and teen… well maybe that is not really your style.”
I’ll admit about a month after that I bought the whole series for the wife and I have read it. I have nothing against it either, but making fun of it is better that reading it. For the Flamer Vamps just read the stories by Anne Rice, I think all of them end up wanting a piece of the Broke Back Vampire.
I do see the Cullens clan going to a Pride parade and being completely accepted for their FaAAbulous costumes…
I love making fun of Twilight. I dont hate it or have something particular against it, but its just so easy and I have so much viewers who enjoy hearing jokes about it.
But seriously, a few weeks back we made a drinking game out of the first movie (two guys of whom one likes twilight and two girls who read the books but didnt like them for what they were intended for) and since I’ve seen the movie I’m of the opinion that it isnt that bad Yeah, its a love story but love stories are women’s action movies. You get to see a character pulling of all kinds of unlikely stuff/experiences you would like to do. There is nothing wrong with that.
Anyway, the rules for the drinking game were as following:
- Every time something stupid happens, take a shot
- every time a plot hole comes up, take a shot (that one didnt work out because we found only one or two)
- every time something not-vampire-typical happens take a shot
The best part of the hole evening was the scene where Bella asks who Jacob is and that girl from school is like: “Oh, he’s Edward Cullen. He lloks really good.” As soon as she said “looks really good” both girls reached simultaniously at their glasses! I laughed so hard I nearly fell from my chair.
I wish you all a merry Christmas and nice holidays.
I do love making fun of “Twilight” and find it deeply satisfying.
It’s just that the brutally honest part of me has to admit that many of the things I love and hold dear to my evil black heart are just as idiotic. But I loves them anyway.
That being said, when I went into my local Barnes and Nobles and saw that they had a section called “Teen Paranormal Romance” I honestly didn’t know if I should laugh or cry at that.
I chose both… and that’s when security asked me to leave.
Heh, My sister in law invites her boyfriend over when they watch Twilight for just that reason. She says his snarky commentary is the only thing that makes it bearable. I disagree. Nothing makes that movie bearable.
I just found an article which perfectly expresses why “Twilight” is perceived as bad.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/2010/eight-ways-twilight-is-better-than-real-life/
A very effective skewering of the “Twilight” series, about why it’s so popular and why it’s so hated at the same time.
A very interesting read.
Indeed that was an interesting read.
-nod- I agree with Fijiman, it does hit quite a few of the issues on the book.
Good text. Thats what I meant with “women’s action movies”, only in an elaborate way. Its nice that there is a book (especially) women can hype about, but I am somewhat sure that the series put any good vampire stories to rest for quite a while. Come to think about it, maybe the hole character of vampires as fictional characters might change. I hope not
Havent seen Twilight…will NEVER see it… just the thought of sparkly vamps makes my skin crawl… its liek the idea of WereShitzus or something… but honestly my hate comes soley from the mob fanaticism about it…. everything I have heard about it agrees it doesnt nearly deserve the attention its got…. as for LKH and Annrice { am honestly not sure which this came from } I put the book down and walked away the moment I read that the vamp could shatter 2 inch thick bulelt proof glass with a pinky… sorry but i rarely hear that kind of Epic OMG strength come from freaking HERUCLES stories let alone Vampire stories
Yea, my main problem with the movie is that everyone refers to the native americans as werewolves when all the legends call people like them skinwalkers. If they had a middle form the werewolf thing would fit but they go straight to animal form. So it just pisses me off. That and the sparkly vampires are gay, it really doesnt make sence because in this day in age guys go around wearing more blatant stuff than body glitter.
You guys need to read that article I linked too. You’ll realize that no matter how we feel about it, it doesn’t matter. “Twilight” isn’t written for us, it’s written for women and girls with the normal insecurities that people usually never want to admit too.
But here’s a warning guys, don’t kid yourselves. Dudes have just as many weird ass insecurities that women do, they’re just different.
It’s only a matter of time before somebody writes the Male equivalent to “Twilight” and then people are going to be making fun of us.
My question is: What’s the Male equivalent to “Twilight” going to be?
I’m picturing a Coming of age novel where the main character has to defeat his father. But the supernatural element will be that his father is a ninja ghost and his girlfriend is a really hot goblin.
Because goblins are hot.
It would probably have supernatural vampiric illegal aliens stealing jobs. That would work in todays environment. Charlie Sheen could be in the movie!
No that’s madness. In order for it to be a male version of twilight it has to focus on men’s insecurities. Unfortunately since men are all universally well adjusted and manly and junk this is going to be hard to find something we’re insecure about.
Whatever you find ad a mummy to it = best seller.
Twilight at the Mountain of Madness.
A harrowing story of a young doctor trying to come to terms with his overbearing mother and absent father, who is trying to get back into his life. While working in the Antarctic, with a team of Doctors and his smoking hot (Kate Beckinsale) girlfriend, he stumbles upon an ancient Pyramide that leads to the lair of the sleeping Old Ones and he must choose to battle the never ending Chaos and save the love of his life, family and the world or let it sweep away all of humanity.
At some point in the story his girlfriend will confess that she is actually the daughter of Yog-Sothoth and she watches him sleep she has been trying to steal the energy of his dreams as she has done with the rest of the scientists with them. But she cannot seem to take the energy from him and therefore has fallen in love with him and wants to help him stop the Chaos from escaping.
Naturally he says something along the lines of “Bitch you be Crazy!”
She offers him sex and all is good and forgiven…(I think I found our kryptonite.)
Along the way he discovers that he alone has supernatural abilities that can withstand the Chaos, Darkness and allows him to turn the tables at the cataclysmic end where only he and his girlfriend (Kate Beckinsale now clothes all ripped) stand atop the mountain overlooking the ruins they have collapsed to imprison Cthuhlu and his minions once again.
The second in the series would be The Shadow Eclipsing Innsmouth
Where we find our main characters back Stateside planning their wedding, but the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties don’t turn out how they should. The girlfriends naughty sister is introduced (Scarlet Johannsen) and a love triange is formed.
The third: The Lurking Fear. (No need to change that name)
She is pregnant and our hero worries that everything is about the change and he’ll never have time to spend with his friends. Especially when he finds out it’s twins.
The fourth and Final: The Rug Rats in the Walls.
All about raising the twins with more on the way. Throw into the mix his sister in law (Scarlet Johannsen) has come to visit and the crush she has for our hero threatens to tear apart the marriage and the world.
Epic Win. If this isn’t made into a movie then life no longer makes sense.
My favorite part was imagining Kate Beckinsale with ripped clothes.